In honor of National PTSD Awareness Day, HelloBeautiful set out to tell the stories of real life trauma survivors.
Here in conjunction with the Women’s Prison Association, eight Black women bravely shared a sacred piece of themselves–their personal experiences with trauma.
From sexual violence to gun violence to military service, each story here reflects the lived experiences of so many around the globe.
According to the National PTSD Center:
- About 6 of every 10 men (or 60 percent) and 5 of every 10 women (or 50 percent) experience at least one trauma in their lives.” Women are more prone to experience sexual assault, child sexual abuse and women are more likely to blame themselves after a traumatic experience, the report says.
- About 10 of every 100 women (or 10 percent) develop PTSD sometime in their lives compared with about 4 of every 100 men (or 4%).
Black populations are at a high prevalence rate for PTSD due to repeat exposure to racism and the increased chance of being a victim of traumatic crime. 9.1 percent of African-Americans have been diagnosed with PTSD—compared to 6.8% of non-Hispanic white Americans, according to the Black Women’s Health Imperative.
May we treat each story below with care and learn to open our hearts to others–especially those walking the path to healing.
Kimberly Brown, 48
Where I’m from: Jacksonville Florida, by way of Brooklyn, New York.
What specific experience triggered your PTSD?: I served in operation Iraqi Freedom during 2007-2008. In May of 2007, I watched as an incoming rpg hit a detainee encampment that I was working in and 8 detainees were killed.
When did you become aware that you were suffering from PTSD?: I was diagnosed when I came back in January 2008. I attempted suicide on June 6, 2008 (my birthday) and was “voluntary” submitted to the veteran’s administration hospital for treatment by my command.
Have you spoken to a professional about your experience? If so, has it helped you find a way to cope with what happened? If not, do you believe medical attention unnecessary or is there a reason that is holding you back?: I am currently still seeing a professional psychiatrist and therapist for my PTSD and depression. It has helped me, but I get those times when noises or stress triggers my episodes. I still suffer from insomnia and have been on medications to help me. I don’t think there is anything holding me back as much some environmental as well as certain stressors that trigger a response.
Who/What do/did you turn to in moments when you are triggered or find yourself in a negative head space?: I have a pet and I go to my therapy sessions to find better coping mechanisms when I find myself in a negative head space.
What do you do to celebrate yourself despite what you’ve been through?: I celebrate life now. I just turned 48 and I’m traveling to Europe in two weeks outside of my military duties for the first time.
Do you feel there is enough awareness around PTSD?: There is and there isn’t. While we acknowledge when celebrities commit suicide (RIP AB and KS) there are 22 vets a day that still commit suicide. Mental health for veterans still needs work.
What do you want people to know about you as a survivor of PTSD?: That everyday is working to keep the demons at bay. I have good days and I have bad ones. But, I know that I have people that love and care for me. That keeps me fighting everyday.
What would be the one word that describes you as a survivor of PTSD? The key word in your question….survivor.
Alechia Reese, 32
Where I’m from: Sarasota, Florida.
What specific experience triggered your PTSD?: My second domestic violence experience (yes there was more than one unfortunately).
When did you become aware that you were suffering from PTSD?: When I decided I was going to kill myself. I became so depressed it was as if I’d never recover. The depression felt like a painful sinus headache that encapsulated my entire body. It felt as if there was literally no end.
Have you spoken to a professional about your experience? If so, has it helped you find a way to cope with what happened? If not, do you believe medical attention unnecessary or is there a particular reason that is holding you back?: Absolutely! I went to counseling for quite some time in order to heal and collect my broken shards. I decided I didn’t want to cut myself or anyone else. I firmly believe medical attention is absolutely necessary.
Who/What do/did you turn to in moments when you are triggered or find yourself in a negative head space?: I took the time to the first figure out what my triggers were. From there I started retraining myself to choose a different default. It’s ongoing and requires I’m dedicated to my own emotional and mental wellness. When I was working my way through, I started to set mini wellness, personal, and professional goals and I watched myself succeed. So now anytime I’m triggered I look at how far I’ve come and allow myself to appreciate the growth. It’s consistent work, but well worth it.
What do you do to celebrate yourself in spite of what you’ve been through?: I love on myself through travel and shopping. And I only choose partners and friendships that are positive.
Do you feel there is enough awareness around PTSD?: Absolutely not. Most people feel it only occurs if you’d gone to war and it’s totally not okay.
What do you want people to know about you as a survivor of PTSD?: That I didn’t just survive. I thrived! It’s not easy, but through consistent dedication you too can survive.
What would be the one word that describes you as a survivor of PTSD?: T H R I V E R.
Nassimbwa, 29
Where I’m from: I am from Kampala [in] Uganda, but I came to America when I was three. Been in Maryland for 26 years.
What specific experience triggered your PTSD?: I was raped when I was 14 years old and I did not tell anyone. To be honest when you say PTSD it feels weird to say I have experienced it because at the time I had no idea.
When did you become aware that you were suffering from PTSD?: I did not know that I was experiencing it because I did not know what it was until college. I kept my rape a secret for 14 years and looking back at my behavior I know I experienced PTSD right after I was raped. I was aggressive, depressed, had nightmares, promiscuous, bulimic, and experienced drug abuse.
Have you spoken to a professional about your experience? If so, has it helped you find a way to cope with what happened? If not, do you believe medical attention unnecessary or is there a particular reason that is holding you back?: You can say the person I spoke to was a professional because she was a survivor herself. I attended a suicide workshop where a sexual assault survivor named Laquisha Hall told her story about begin raped by her pastor. I asked her how she was able to tell her story and she told me, “One day you will be able to tell yours.” That was at age 25. I finally told my mom at 27-years-old that I was raped at 14 and she asked me [why] didn’t you say anything. My response: I was scared, blamed myself, and ashamed. After telling my mom I told everyone I knew that I was raped. It was a weight lifted off my shoulder and I was not ashamed anymore. What happened to me was not my fault.
Who/What do/did you turn to in moments when you are triggered or find yourself in a negative head space?: Before I told anyone I went to drugs and alcohol. Now that I am not alone, I turn to the love of my life, my journal, my blog, family/friends.
What do you do to celebrate yourself in spite of what you’ve been through?: I empower other women by volunteering as a victim advocate at a sexual assault center where I help women/men who have just been sexual assaulted. I also have a business where I empower other women called sisterhoodofnaturalhair.com letting women know that it is okay to be yourself no matter what you have been through in life.
Do you feel there is enough awareness around PTSD?: No, especially in our schools. I did not recall our schools teaching us about mental health. In health class they need to address those issues because it is real life.
What do you want people to know about you as a survivor of PTSD?: That I am not a survivor of PTSD. I am a survivor of many things and in the words of Cardi B, “Knock me down 9 times and I get up 10.”
What would be the one word that describes you as a survivor of PTSD?: Resilient.
Tonya Stafford, 44
Where I’m from: Dallas, Texas.
What specific experience triggered your PTSD?: What experience triggered my PTSD was childhood molestation, rape, domestic violence and being sold to my perpetrator that kept me for 10 years.
When did you become aware that you were suffering from PTSD?: I became aware of the PTSD six years ago.
Have you spoken to a professional about your experience? If so, has it helped you find a way to cope with what happened? If not, do you believe medical attention unnecessary or is there a particular reason that is holding you back?: Yes I have spoken to a professional therapist about my experience that specialize[s] in trauma. Yes it has helped me. Therapy is a way of life for me, therapy continues to help and therapy helps me to cope with day-to-day and life experiences. In my experience and case, I have been in therapy for about 20 years. I receive therapy every Thursday and I love it. I encourage those that have experienced trauma to seek help.
Who/What do/did you turn to in moments when you are triggered or find yourself in a negative head space?: I turn to a friend who is a therapist as well. I can call her to speak with her. If I am in a situation that triggers me I remove myself from that situation quickly.
What do you do to celebrate yourself in spite of what you’ve been through?: How I celebrate myself is I travel take vacations with my fiancée, go to movies, comedy shows, to the lake just to take in the scenery. I also share my story to celebrate how I came to survive to celebrate me and my life I have now.
Do you feel there is enough awareness around PTSD?: No. There is not enough awareness around PTSD from childhood trauma or PTSD trauma etc.
What do you want people to know about you as a survivor of PTSD?: I would want people to know that you can live with PTSD with the proper help and support, but you must address the issues and past trauma first in order to survive and thrive. And don’t be ashamed of any diagnosis.
What would be the one word that describes you as a survivor of PTSD?: One of many words that describe me is a survivor and a thriver. I turned my pain in to purpose to give others that have suffered and feel like all hope is lost hope.
Thee following stories were compiled by the Women’s Prison Association for HelloBeautiful. The Women’s Prison Association (WPA) is a service and advocacy organization committed to helping women with criminal justice involvement realize new possibilities for themselves and their families. WPA utilizes evidence-based, gender-specific tools designed to address the many circumstances that lead women into the criminal justice system. In doing so, we successfully provide tailored services to women and their families before, during, after, and even instead of incarceration. WPA envisions a community where our reliance on incarceration as the default response to crime has been replaced by constructive, community-driven responses.
The women featured below are graduates of WPA’s Women’s Leadership & Media Project, a training program for formerly incarcerated women who seek to achieve criminal justice reform.
Kamilah, 23
Where I’m from: I am of West Indian descent. First generation born here. Straight out of the Bronx.
What specific experience triggered your trauma?: There were quite a few. I was raped by my teenage cousin when I was 13. That’s actually how I lost my virginity, but when I was about 16, I got raped by a stranger. That one cut me the deepest. We had a mutual friend on Facebook. Turned out she only knew him from Facebook, but we had built a rapport online, strictly platonic. He invited me to a cookout and to meet his newborn. So I went to his friend’s house, chilled with the baby, his mom picked up the baby and we went to his house so he could change his clothes. He got out of the shower, got dressed and started to flirt with me. When I declined his advances, he raped me and took me to the bus stop. I just cried the whole way home.
When did you become aware that you were suffering from trauma?: It took me many, many years to even call my experiences “rape.” One specific memory comes to mind: the man who raped me lived nearby, but I never saw him again after that day. About a year or two ago, he got on a train I was on. It was packed and he was on the opposite end, but immediately my hands were shaking. My heart dropped and my legs went numb. I had sworn I’d gotten over it. Tears streamed down my face and I began texting my sister. That was a big eye-opener for me.
Have you spoken to a professional about your experience? If so, has it helped you find a way to cope with what happened? If not, do you believe medical attention unnecessary or is there a particular reason that is holding you back?: Absolutely and yes it has. It’s taught me a lot about myself and what’s expected of me in society. She is teaching me to prioritize what I expect of myself instead. It’s making me a better parent and partner.
Who/What do/did you turn to in moments when you are triggered or find yourself in a negative head space?: Back then, not much. I suffered from depression, suicidal thoughts, and anxiety for a long time. Now, I turn to my ancestors, my mom, my friends and siblings. I turn to the people who love me most. Sometimes, I call or text my therapist, but my ancestors have carried me through raging waters.They got my back.They always grant me clarity, wisdom, and peace.
What do you do to celebrate yourself in spite of what you’ve been through?: In order to celebrate myself, I smile, I laugh, I get tattoos, piercings, and elaborate nails. I have great sex with my fiancé despite my past experiences. I maintain a 3.4 GPA and I still reject respectability politics. I love on black girls because the rest of the world doesn’t. I work with organizations that want to make this world a better place. I take care of my family and put tons of effort into raising my little boy. That’s how I celebrate, by living my best life in spite of everything that tried to break me.
Do you feel there is enough awareness around trauma?: Well, I think that’s only half of the problem. Historically, we as black people were taught to suffer in silence. That turned into a cultural norm. The other part is that society has dehumanized every aspect of blackness, so even when people are aware of our traumas they don’t see it as a tragedy. It’s like trying to convince people to have compassion for inanimate objects.
What do you want people to know about you as a survivor of trauma?: I want people to know that I cannot be silenced. Being a whistleblower can be a thankless job sometimes, but I will continue to speak up even as I look adversity square in the eye.
What would be the one word that describes you as a survivor of trauma?: Resilient. I have an Afro Samurai woman tattooed as a symbol of that. Also, I have a Koi fish done on my back because they swim against the current, as do I. My newest tattoo is actually in honor of sexual violence survivors. It says, “The Rose That Grew From Concrete,” that’s a poem by Tupac about the beauty of tenacity.
Tamanika, 41
Where I’m from: Brooklyn, New York.
What specific experience triggered your trauma?: I have experiences all levels of trauma from being abused as a child to sexually assaulted and experiencing domestic violence. However, the one specific experience that triggered my downfall would be the murder of my brother in 2011. My brother was the oldest in our family and losing him cause me to lose myself.
When did you become aware that you were suffering from trauma?: I believe I was always aware that I was suffering from trauma but I didn’t accept that fact until I accepted that I was a drug addict and I was sent to prison. While in prison, you have a lot of thinking time and you learn a lot about yourself.
Have you spoken to a professional about your experience? If so, has it helped you find a way to cope with what happened? If not, do you believe medical attention unnecessary or is there a particular reason that is holding you back?: I have spoken with a professional about my life experiences. I find it very helpful to finally speak about things that I have been holding on to my whole life. As I speak about these things, I am able to understand why certain things happen and learn new ways of dealing with them.
Who/What do/did you turn to in moments when you are triggered or find yourself in a negative head space?: When I find myself in a negative head space, I first turn to God. Second, I turn to someone who I can talk to who will listen to me and not judge me. It can be my therapist or best friend or another woman who has gone through a similar experience.
What do you do to celebrate yourself in spite of what you’ve been through?: I wake up every morning, look in the mirror and I smile. I tell myself I am loved and I am beautiful.
Do you feel there is enough awareness around trauma?: I feel there is not enough awareness around trauma. When I was growing up, I never heard anything about it. I think it’s only mentioned to someone after something devastating happens to them and that is only when they are having a hard time dealing with it – someone like me who held everything in, but was not aware of what I was going through or what I needed at the time.
What do you want people to know about you as a survivor of trauma?: I want people to know I am a strong Black woman and a proud mother of four. I have a good heart and I refuse to fail at life again or be defined by my failures. I am a survivor.
What would be the one word that describes you as a survivor of trauma?: Determined.
Shawn, 51
Where I’m from: Brooklyn, New York.
What specific experience triggered your trauma?: Gun violence caused my trauma. I was 5 ½ months pregnant when I was shot by a stray bullet and lost my twins.
When did you become aware that you were suffering from trauma?: After losing my twins, I became very depressed and withdrawn. I found myself medicated with prescription drugs which led to illegal drugs. t took years for me to seek help and realize I was destroying my life.
Have you spoken to a professional about your experience? If so, has it helped you find a way to cope with what happened? If not, do you believe medical attention unnecessary or is there a particular reason that is holding you back?: Several years went by before I realized I needed help. I needed someone who could listen to my inner feelings and not judge me. I needed to discuss my situation without reliving it. Eventually, I found therapy which helped and has made me a better woman.
Who/What do/did you turn to in moments when you are triggered or find yourself in a negative head space?: At first, I turned to drugs as a coping mechanism. I didn’t really understand what I was experiencing. I just knew my anger and resentment was in full force which caused me to neglect my family and my other children. It caused me to not be there for them because on the inside I was sick and suffering. It took many years, but I realized I needed help and sought that help through therapy. It allowed me to express feelings that I didn’t know even existed inside of me. It allowed me to open up about my life and not be judged for it. It gave me reason to be a better woman and mom as I tried to rebuild relationships with my family members.
What do you do to celebrate yourself in spite of what you’ve been through?: Today I celebrate life. I realize it was only luck that pulled me through my ordeal. So every day I try to live like it’s my last.
Do you feel there is enough awareness around trauma?: I don’t feel there is enough awareness around trauma because no one really knows what another person has been through unless that person shares it. People keep a lot of things inside and try to brush off the pain within. I decided to tell my story and share my pain hoping it will help someone else share their story, better said than unsaid.
What do you want people to know about you as a survivor of trauma?: I want people to know that as a survivor of trauma, it has not been easy. It was a long process but through my experience it has made me a better woman. My suffering made me stronger. I want people to know I’m not the woman I used to be. I’m a greater women that I ever thought I could be. Just know, everything is possible to get through. Just hold on.
What would be the one word that describes you as a survivor of trauma?: Resilient.
Kathy, 58
Where I’m from: Queens, New York.
What specific experience triggered your trauma?: I was raped at age 9 by a family member. Everyone thought he was the “good uncle.” He wasn’t.
When did you become aware that you were suffering from trauma?: I started using drugs as a teenager to numb the pain. I hid it for a long time.
Have you spoken to a professional about your experience? If so, has it helped you find a way to cope with what happened? If not, do you believe medical attention unnecessary or is there a particular reason that is holding you back?: I speak to a professional now, but at times it still haunts me and I still feel dirty, ashamed, and embarrassed.
Who/What do/did you turn to in moments when you are triggered or find yourself in a negative headspace?: Sometimes God. Sometimes my girlfriends. Back then, sometimes I went back to drugs.
What do you do to celebrate yourself in spite of what you’ve been through?: I pray, I meditate, I cook great food. I take fun trips. Now, I talk about it constantly to free myself from it.
Do you feel there is enough awareness around trauma?: No, we need more exposure! Therapy is so important. We need it individually, we need it in groups, and we need to not stigmatize it.
What do you want people to know about you as a survivor of trauma?: If you seek professional help, it starts to get a little easier. Find some peace within yourself. Free yourself. It will help you move on. I feel beautiful now – and that was a long time coming. I got to the truth of the matter and dug deep to save myself from being so stagnated. I’m grateful that my heart and mind are in a much better place now.
What would be the one word that describes you as a survivor of trauma?: Free.
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