CHICK CHAT: My Date Told Me It Wasn’t Going Work Because I Didn’t Want Kids In A Year

Our first date was impromptu. We met on the street in Brooklyn, where I live. I was walking home, head down, hyper focused on picking the right song to act as a soundtrack on the six block walk to my house and checking Instagram for all the images that I missed while on the train. Needless to say, I wasn’t being attentive to my surroundings. But when I felt the tap on my shoulder, accompanied by a sweet and sincere, “Excuse me, miss. You’re really pretty. I just wanted to tell you that.”

Must Read: R&B Divas Upcoming Concert Dates

Without sounding conceited, I just want it to be known that I get hit on almost daily. And usually, it’s by a homeless man, some dude who’s been standing in the same spot in front of the same bodega from 8am to 8pm. But this time, when I looked up in the direction of the shoulder tap, I immediately smiled. He smiled back. Dimples perfectly set on either cheek, lips the color of my flushed cheeks and a jawline that would make Clark Kent insecure. He was fine. Call me shallow, but between his devastating good looks and his gentle approach, I had to give him the infamous “time of day.”

He asked my name and gave his. “Winston,” he said, perpetuating the smile that laid across his lips from the first moment I turned around at his tap.

“Nice to meet you Winston,” I blushed. Unsure of what to do with myself, I unplugged my earphones and Winston asked if he could continue walking with me. As we walked towards my apartment, he looked over at the bar we were approaching, pointing towards it, he asked, “Want to go have a drink?”

Must Read: CHICK CHAT: Forget Credit Checks…What About Giving Background Checks While Dating?

I smiled. And this smile was for all those times I could never get any native New Yorker to ask me out on a first date. I could meet them all day, but making it to a dimly lit ambiance, sharing stories of favorite color, best thing my mom ever taught me and why my last relationship ended was something that was as rare as a reality show that’s real.

As we sat and sipped, the conversation flowed from topic to topic effortlessly. With each giggle or hand lingering on my leg, I made mental notes. I like him. He’s funny. He’s attentive. He’s honest. He is ready to settle down. “I know I want kids and that’s been a breaking point for me and my relationships lately,” Winston revealed. “My last girlfriend told me she wanted kids and a year later, she changed her mind. I couldn’t stay with her.” I was intrigued by Winston’s honesty.

I haven’t dated a lot of men like Winston. He mentioned wanting kids on the first date without fear that it would scare me away. He also mentioned leaving women who didn’t want children. In my life, I’ve seen more single moms than moms engaged in a partnership with the fathers of their children, so Winston’s mindset was like a York Peppermint Patty.

Once I had all his great qualities cataloged in my mind and decided that I wanted to see him again, he asked me out on a second date. “I know this was a quick date, but I want to spend more time with you,” Winston said as he asked me out for the following Saturday. We kissed like our lives depended on how our tongues danced and we parted ways…physically at least.

He texted me from the moment he walked away to the moment he approached me on Canal St. in the middle of Chinatown on Sunday night. I could see his smile from a block away. “Hey baby,” he breathed, leaning in for a kiss. It was like we’d been together for years. I felt at home with Winston. Which is probably why I was never skiddish when he told me that at 35, he really didn’t want to wait any longer before he had his first child.

During our chat, I explained to him that as a 28-year-old move and shaker, I am focused on my life and where my career is going. I am also obsessed with travel, so that’s a big focus for me over the next few years. He smile slowly faded. Winston started to understand that his plans and mine weren’t parallel.

We both ignored it and continued having the most flirtatious date since I was a teenager. But Winston’s unborn children continued eating away at him. As I pushed around uneaten brown rice on my plate, gushing over my plans to explore Africa, Australia and Europe, Winston joked about strapping our future child to my chest as I discover Ghana.

Must Read: CHICK CHAT: Women Who Keep Men Away From Their Children Disgust Me

At least, I was taking his urgings are jokes. In all honesty, Winston wanted his family now. Once we pulled ourselves away from the kiss at the end of the date, we reluctantly parted ways. By the time I plopped on to my bed, daydreaming about Winston’s dimples, my phone buzzed. Winston’s name on my screen sent butterflies up my spine. But when I opened the text, I heat rushed to my ears and my eyes blurred with tears. “I don’t think this is going to work,” Winston wrote.

Before I could wrap my head around the rejection, he called me. “I’m sorry baby. I really like you and I think you’re amazing. But I don’t think you want kids and I can’t bend on that. I want my first child next year and you’re not ready. I don’t want to hold your life up,” Winston blurted out.

He was right. I don’t want kids next year. I honestly don’t even know if I want them at all. But I do know if I found the right partner, who would support me and our child fully, I could see myself as a mother. Winston had me believing that I could indeed be a mother, despite my hesitation. I was shocked by the lump clinging to my throat. “I…I can’t say that I don’t understand because I do. But…”

“I’ve waited in the past with women who were unsure about wanting children and it never went well for me. I don’t want to keep doing this year by year and end up 40 without kids,” Winston explained. I know that women have ticking internal clocks, but I never realized that some men share that same impediment.

I like Winston. I still do. But I know that I don’t want to change the plans that I have for my life to fall in line with someone else’s plans for their life. Winston never tried to force wanting kids on me, he simply knew what he wanted and wasn’t willing to budge. I can’t fault him for that. But I can’t lie–that instant rejection hit me where it hurts.

LIKE HelloBeautiful On Facebook!

More Chick Chat:

Chick Chat: We Just Started Dating, But He’s Breaking The Rules By Sleeping With His Ex

CHICK CHAT: You Don’t Have To Listen To Your Friends Constantly Complain About Their Boyfriends

Check Out This Gallery Of Our Fave Hollywood Couples!

13 Pics Of Hollywood’s Most Adorable Couples