CHICK CHAT: Forget Credit Checks…What About Giving Background Checks While Dating?
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Essence
Published on
February 14, 2013
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My girlfriend Anna divorced her husband last spring. Her decision to split wasn’t an easy one, but one she knew what was right for her well-being and long-term happiness. It took a while for her to come to grips with the idea of no longer having a husband and how now she’d be raising their children as a single woman.
I felt bad for Anna because I knew how much she wanted the whole ideal traditional family thing, and her heartache was obvious and painful to witness. I, along with her other girlfriends, encouraged her to get back out there and start having fun. It didn’t have to be anything serious, but mingling and letting guys take her out for conversation and dinner wouldn’t hurt. It was awkward for her at first but she finally got into the swing of things and became more comfortable. Though she enjoyed the company, none of the men she met intrigued her and she didn’t entertain any of them that long.
Most recently, after meaningless outings with guys she didn’t like, a few of her girlfriends encouraged her to try internet dating. Admittedly, I was against it because of shows like Catfishand other computer love horror stories. She too was a little leery because of the negative stigma associated with it, so to calm her fear she made a profile on a Christian network. I was still anti-internet dating because I’ve met plenty of crazy Christians; but when she met Chris, I slowly started coming around. She really liked him and I was happy to see her happy. Also, he was very open and honest with her. It’s been a month now since they’ve started talking and they’ve gone out three times.
Worried that he was too good to be true, she mentioned to me that she was going to run an extensive background check on him. At first I was like, “Girl, you are crazy!” The longer I thought about it, though, I agreed that it would be a good idea and I was mad at myself for never thinking to do it. Because of her dad’s military connections, she was able to find out everything she would and wouldn’t want to know about this guy. When the report came back, everything aligned with what he had told her—even the exact dollar and change amount for a bill he needed to pay. It was a big relief and the okay she needed to go forward with their relationship.
Her decision to get a background check really got me thinking. Whether you meet a guy via internet or at the supermarket checkout line, running a little background check isn’t a bad idea. So often when dating, we fall for guys before we know vital information. By the time conflicting information surfaces, our emotions are already entangled and making the decision on whether we should stay or part ways is tough.
While it’s good to know the big things like if he’s an ex-convict or if he’s currently married, it’s also beneficial to know simple things like if he’s honest about his salary, his debt and so on. Unfortunately, we can’t always depend on other people to be completely honest and upfront with us. Taking matters into our own hands is a wise decision and a preventive measure.
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My girlfriend Anna divorced her husband last spring. Her decision to split wasn’t an easy one, but one she knew what was right for her well-being and long-term happiness. It took a while for her to come to grips with the idea of no longer having a husband and how now she’d be raising their children as a single woman.
I felt bad for Anna because I knew how much she wanted the whole ideal traditional family thing, and her heartache was obvious and painful to witness. I, along with her other girlfriends, encouraged her to get back out there and start having fun. It didn’t have to be anything serious, but mingling and letting guys take her out for conversation and dinner wouldn’t hurt. It was awkward for her at first but she finally got into the swing of things and became more comfortable. Though she enjoyed the company, none of the men she met intrigued her and she didn’t entertain any of them that long.
Most recently, after meaningless outings with guys she didn’t like, a few of her girlfriends encouraged her to try internet dating. Admittedly, I was against it because of shows like Catfishand other computer love horror stories. She too was a little leery because of the negative stigma associated with it, so to calm her fear she made a profile on a Christian network. I was still anti-internet dating because I’ve met plenty of crazy Christians; but when she met Chris, I slowly started coming around. She really liked him and I was happy to see her happy. Also, he was very open and honest with her. It’s been a month now since they’ve started talking and they’ve gone out three times.
Worried that he was too good to be true, she mentioned to me that she was going to run an extensive background check on him. At first I was like, “Girl, you are crazy!” The longer I thought about it, though, I agreed that it would be a good idea and I was mad at myself for never thinking to do it. Because of her dad’s military connections, she was able to find out everything she would and wouldn’t want to know about this guy. When the report came back, everything aligned with what he had told her—even the exact dollar and change amount for a bill he needed to pay. It was a big relief and the okay she needed to go forward with their relationship.
Her decision to get a background check really got me thinking. Whether you meet a guy via internet or at the supermarket checkout line, running a little background check isn’t a bad idea. So often when dating, we fall for guys before we know vital information. By the time conflicting information surfaces, our emotions are already entangled and making the decision on whether we should stay or part ways is tough.
While it’s good to know the big things like if he’s an ex-convict or if he’s currently married, it’s also beneficial to know simple things like if he’s honest about his salary, his debt and so on. Unfortunately, we can’t always depend on other people to be completely honest and upfront with us. Taking matters into our own hands is a wise decision and a preventive measure.
Answer our poll below:
Let’s keep in touch! Follow me on Twitter: @VerityReign
