Are Women Obsessed With Weddings?

Many young girls fantasize about their wedding day from the time they’re old enough to know what a wedding is. It feels like a right of passage to be treated like a princess on your own special day. Every intimate detail as precious as the next, some of us never let go of those pricey fantasies. Recently in the New York Times, Alyson Krueger wrote an article about women who dreamed of their wedding day and head onto that dream into adulthood with no groom, or even a boyfriend in sight.

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First comes love, then comes marriage, right? So what if you’ve thought of every single sparkling detail of your wedding day! Does it make you crazy, desperate or just a good planner? #TeamBeautiful weighs in on being wedding obsessed:

Danielle Young:

It’s not our fault. Everything little girls are interested in is catered to in fairy tales and we play it out in our fantasies. At least, I did.  I blame Disney! As soon as I saw my first extravagant wedding aka the “happily ever after” in “Cinderella,” I knew that one day I would have my own. I was that weird little eight-year-old girl watching “A Wedding Story” on TLC. Long before David Tutera’s many-a-wedding shows, TLC’s reality show introduced us to relatable brides and revealed the details of their wedding planning and even shared the big day with us. In the summer, I’d sit and watch marathons, believing more in those same fairy tales because now it was happening on-screen with “real life” women.

By 12, I had every detail of my fairy tale wedding planned, all problems like which state we’d marry (because we’d be from different states), hair half-up or all-up or bedazzling flats to dance in after the ceremony were solved based on the problems all my favorite TV brides experienced.

With every crush, puppy love, fling and full-on relationship, I placed each mate in my groom’s slot mentally. But it wasn’t until adulthood that I realized these fantasies were absolutely ridiculous.

Because the economy ain’t sh*t, I ended up working as a Bridal Consultant–a fancy term used for people who sling wedding gowns to bright-eyed and delusional brides. A few months into this job, I was slapped with the harsh reality that weddings are the equivalent to manufactured holidays like Valentine’s Day–placing price tags on pretty things to prove your love to someone else.

I had a lot of time to insert myself in one of the most important times of a woman’s life–her wedding. There was always trust and they’d share their plans–some so lavish, I couldn’t believe they’d only wear the dress once even though I knew that was the way it went. The amount of time, energy and money that’s placed on a day is insane once you look at it on paper. The receipts add up and you see women trying to compete with Kim Kardashian’s sponsored soiree. But for the weddings that were thoughtful and intimate, it reminded me of why they wanted to do it in the first place. It was simple enough to see the bond clearly. That’s the kind I want now–which is essentially a plan lol, but not quite the same production. I still want to be treated like a princess on that special day, but I’ve just  let go of the over-the-top Disney princess plan.

Deborah Bennett:

You’d think that with the history of marriage and current divorce rates that women would realize marriage is not a real life Lifetime movie. Some would argue that if you’re in a fulfilled relationship and you really love each other why not take it to the next level? I think in a lot of ways it’s a security thing for women, and also because women still tend to be romantic and dream of living happily ever after.

I would like to get married one day but I’m not going out of my way to try and find a guy to marry, or obsess over it on Pinterest/Facebook.

Shenequa Golding:

For as long as I can remember, I’ve been surrounded by wedding gowns, veils, headpieces… the whole kit and caboodle. Charmaine (the woman I shared a body with for nine months) is a wedding sales consultant so, I know all about the big day. And maybe because I’ve been surrounded by so much chiffon all my life, it became too much for me. But early on, I said, “nah, I’m good.”

Now, I don’t knock women who want marriage. But planning years in advance for that special 24 hours is wack! To fantasize once in a while about your wedding day or walking through a jewelry store and gazing at diamond rings is totally understandable. But to spend hours and hours of your day before meeting that special John is too much energy focused in the wrong direction.

Last night my ex Anthony and I chopped it up. I told him about my dating frustrations and then he dropped a gem, which made perfect sense.

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“Use this time to get yourself together, so when you find that right one, the loose ends that you needed to tie up are tied up!”

And as much as the single life can sometimes (not all the time) suck, I think it’s valuable Janes take the time to get to know themselves. Your wedding day will come. You will find your prince charming. The man that will sweep you off your feet WILL make his way into your life, but deciding the flower arrangements and table settings a decade a head of the actual date won’t make him arrive any quicker!

I’ve never understood what the big deal was with weddings and marriages. It never made sense to me. Keep the ring, just promise to love me forever has always been my motto, but to all you Janes who are planing your wedding day now… Hey, more power to you.

Shamika Sanders:

I didn’t start planning my hypothetical wedding until I was 22-years-old. For some reason I skipped the whole “I know what dress I’m wearing the day I walk down the aisle” when I was a young girl. But now, if anyone says the word “wedding,” I light up inside like ET’s pointy finger. Ask me ten years ago what kind of dress I wanted to wear and you’d probably hear, “I don’t believe in marriage.” Ask me today and you’d hear something like, “a mermaid-cut gown with sweetheart neckline.”

I don’t cut magazine pictures out of bridal books, but if I see one, I will surely pick it up! Too much thinking about the day when I haven’t even been proposed to yet is an injustice, in my opinion. I have no idea what it is like to wear something that symbolizes the rest of my life so I try to not pretend I even know what it feels like. I’ll just wait for my time to come and be genuinely happy. Nothing planned.

Ty Alexander: I am not even sure how you can manage to actually date a someone if you spend all of your time planning a wedding before you’ve found your groom. I’ve been with my boo for over 10 years. The topic of marriage and weddings come up at every holiday, or when one of the homies walks down the aisle. We both begin to question our relationship (but only for seconds). We wonder what marriage would change or what the benefit of a wedding would be. Then we realize it doesn’t matter to us.

I come from a two parent household. My parents are in year 36th of their marriage. And don’t get me wrong, I do value that. But I value their relationship more than their marriage. I admire their friendship more than my mother’s wedding ring–although a vintage diamond ring would be extremely lovely. I’m sure if we spent time teaching our little girls how to love themselves regardless of society’s lack of approval, we’d birth better candidates for the brides of the world.

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