Do Women Always Say I'm Sorry?

When was the last time you said you were sorry? Was it for something you sincerely needed forgiveness for or was it something as simple as needing to reschedule a coffee date or asking a tall man in front of you to slide over slightly so you can see the concert you paid good money for? Jezebel posted an article about women’s innate need to say “sorry” no matter how small the offense.

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Of course my wheels started turning because I realized that I’m the type who apologizes even when it isn’t necessary. And I actually get a little upset if someone doesn’t apologize to me and I feel it’s needed. I can’t be alone here. I asked the rest of #TeamBeautiful if women were always saying, “I’m sorry” and they had this to say:

Leigh Davenport: A wise woman (my senior year in high school English teacher) once told me, “Sorry people are sorry! You apologize!”

This is a lesson I’ve taken with me throughout my life and one that was reinforced when I pledged my sorority in college. What’s the difference? Issuing an apology when necessary is a way to admit responsibility for an offensive. Being “sorry” is a state of being. I believe that words have power and by constantly saying “I’m sorry” you’re essentially telling yourself you should stay in a place of angst, guilt and anxiety over your wrong doings.

My advice to women is to say “I apologize” one time and move on.  There’s no need to keep rehashing your missteps. Talk about the positive and productive steps you’ve taken and let those “sorry” moments fade away quickly.  It’s a matter of perception, and for most, perception is reality.

Shenequa Golding: Women do say “I’m sorry” far too often. I should know, every other word out of my mouth is I’m sorry. However, I think the reason for our apologies is…well I’m not too sure. Maybe we feel as though we’re always wrong. Maybe it’s because we think we don’t want to offend someone or maybe it’s because society tells us we have to be apologetic for things men aren’t. This story is so right on time, as I’m learning how to properly assert myself in all aspects of my life. It’s a fine line, ya know. Some things are worth the “I’m sorry” while others need to be said definitely and be made more declarative.

It’s all a part of the process of being woman. Knowing when to stand strong and when to humble yourself. But we’ll get it together one day. I believe that.

Shamika Sanders: This topic couldn’t be any more timely than it is right now in my life. Someone once told me “Don’t say ‘I’m sorry.’ Say ‘I apologize’ and do it once. That’s it!” This is after I explained how my boyfriend and I were arguing and I kept saying sorry for the same damn thing, time and time again. But that’s what women do. We take the blunt of the blame even when we’ve apologized already or accept responsibility for a negative situation, even if it isn’t our fault. I don’t want to say sorry again! Seriously. If men can be so unforgiving, why do women have to be so forgiving? If they can give zero f**ks, so should we! But then again, where would this world be if no one cared. Ugh. There I go, another woman carrying the weight of the world on her back. Ladies let’s make it our business to choose ourselves. Sometimes “sorry” doesn’t need to be said.

Danielle Young: Fault is something I always take. I don’t know why, but ever since I was little, I would always be the one to step up and claim the blame. From “my bad” to flat out “I’m sorry,” I’ve said them all. I remember this nonchalant ex-boyfriend who used to simply say, “All good,” whenever I felt like I’d done something wrong that needed a profuse apology. It used to grind my gears because I thought I needed to plead my case, but he’d already let it go, but I’d let the guilt get the best of me, trying to find creative ways to gain the forgiveness he’d already rewarded me with. He told me, “You need to stop being so sorry all the time. You can apologize and just let that, be that. Move on.”

Maybe that’s where the sorry’s come from–the need to relieve ourselves from the guilt we place no our own hearts. Women are emotional creatures and that ain’t a secret! Because of our mostly over-emotional reactions to life’s thrills, frills and chills, we’re conditioned into believing that everyone feels as  hard and as deep as we do about even the most mundane of things. Women just want things to be ok, so we’re sorry when they’re not. It’s not a bad thing, in fact it makes you a person with a good heart, but it’s a heavy weight to bear.

Deborah Bennett: I believe women see apologizing as a way to settle a situation rather than let it drag on. They believe that if they give in, then the other person will do the same. I’ve learned to say “I’m sorry” only if I mean it. We could save a lot of time in our lives if we stop double-thinking everything we say and everything we do and keep it moving.

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